Archimedes herded his fellow survivors and set off on a journey into the mid-afternoon sun. They soon found themselves in the vast spaces of the Western Ohio Desert, a place so remote and inhospitable that few survive long enough to draw it on maps.
Nearly two hours into their trek, Archimedes realized he should ascertain which of his companions would be the first to be eaten, as it would soon be dinner time, and there was not a restaurant in sight.
“Pardon me, my good fellows,” he said to them with transparently-false joviality, “May I ask what professions you each employ?”
“I am a doctor of mechanical physics at the University of Boston,” replied Dr Beschizza, wheezing badly due to his advanced age.
“I am a patent officer in Washington, D.C.,” said Mr Johnson from the back of the group, his wooden leg slowing him down considerably.
“And I,” beamed Captain Brownlee, “am a world-famous explorer and outdoorsman, able to extract valuable nutrients from rocks and dirt with my bare hands!”
“Excellent, excellent!” exclaimed Archimedes, and began contemplating which parts of Captain Brownlee would taste best with a mushroom sauce.
Fig. 2: Disciples of Mr Charles Darwin would object to the notion that a healthy human specimen could fall prey to a talking duck. On the other hand, they are largely monkey-loving deviants, so they may be dismissed out of hand.
