Note: I wrote this in about 15 minutes as part of a contest at Boing Boing Gadgets. I wanted to post it here in case any of you enjoy it. The rules were simply: flash fiction, about gadgets. This is what my mind gravitated to…
“You’ve gotta try my toothbrush,” Jeff said breathlessly, shoving the shiny plastic tube between Laney and her cereal. She made every effort to not kill him on the spot.
“I keep telling you,” she said, pushing it away. “I’m not risking my dental hygiene based on some techno-fluff marketing bullshit. I don’t care how the sound waves supposedly detach plaque from your teeth. If it doesn’t taste like mint, I don’t trust it.”
Jeff looked ever-so-slightly hurt by this. He displayed his gum line proudly.
“It really works,” he said. “No cavities. Not a one.”
“You haven’t been to the dentist since you got it.”
“Well, all the same.”
“No thanks,” she said, shovelling another spoonful into her mouth.
He didn’t give up. He pulled his chair closer, leaned close to the extent that Laney really wished the sound waves somehow conveyed a minty smell somehow.
“It’s not the teeth,” Jeff said quietly. “It’s something else. It can do something ELSE…”
She stared at him a moment.
“This isn’t sexual, is it?”
“No. No!” he said. “Nothing like that. Okay. Wait. Let me show you.” He turned back towards the bedroom, cupped a hand to his mouth, and called: “Digby! Here boy!”
In a second, their six-month-old black Lab was tearing across the hardwood floor, tongue flailing in anticipation of whatever made his owner call him. Jeff pointed the toothbrush at the puppy’s head and pushed a button, and in an instant, Digby collapsed to the ground, sliding the rest of the way to Laney’s chair.
“JEFF!” she yelled. “What the hell?”
“Don’t worry,” Jeff laughed. “He’s just sleeping. It’s nothing serious. See?” He pointed the toothbrush again, and this time, Digby bounced back to life, ready for action. Laney patted his head absent-mindedly, eyed the toothbrush.
“How did you…”
“Total accident,” he said. “I was holding it upside-down and Digby was right there, and next thing I know, he’s collapsed on my feet. Pretty amazing, right? I guess the frequency they use must trigger something in simple brains that shuts them off!”
“Wow,” gasped Laney. “That’s… that’s pretty amazing.”
“I know! God help us if Gizmodo finds out about this…”
Laney put out her hand, eyes narrow with skepticism.
“Let me try,” she said. Jeff put it in her hand, leaned back in his chair so he had a good view of Digby. His chest puffed with pride. He could barely cook his own ramen, but he’d gone and discovered something IMPORTANT. He was a MAN, dammit!
Laney stroked Digby’s head, and he licked her palm.
“Good boy,” she said, pointing the toothbrush downward. “Good little doggie.”
Before he knew what was happening, Laney swivelled the toothbrush around and zapped Jeff in the face. His head dropped backwards, eyes rolled, mouth hanging open stupidly. He began snoring almost immediately.
Laney dragged Jeff from the table to the bed, threw the covers over him and closed the curtains as if he’d slept in. It was so much easier doing this at night, she thought. She should have seen this coming weeks ago.
She hid the toothbrush in a pack of tampons, tucking it in the corner of the bathroom closet next to the soap refills, where Jeff would never, ever look.
It was going to take a lot of work to convince him that it had all been a dream, but it had to be done. “I have a headache tonight” just wasn’t cutting it anymore.
